PDA...Not OK

Last night on the Green Line, I was the unfortunate witness of the most disturbing PDA ever recorded by mankind. Two kids, who were no doubt fed a constant diet of indie rock and self-loathing, embraced in a full-out, boobs-to-chest, passionate yet gentle bear hug. Their skinny arms wrapped around each other like vines along a fence. Their hands rested lifelessly atop each others backpacks. Then, as if playing a game of H.O.R.S.E., each one would press his or her lips against the other's face (not lips, not cheeks...face) in a moist kiss. They weren't even kisses so much as a slow and aggressive push and hold of the mouth against the face of another human. Then the other would reciprocate - only this time holding the display longer than the last. It was a constant onslaught of wet, delayed lippy awkwardness.

I was stunned at how this girl was able to withstand the public scrutiny with no fear of physical consequences. There is no way this morning this chick's face isn't as chapped as your ass gets when you forget to wear undies with jeans that didn't even technically fit you in high school. That pain is real, but at least it is private.

Every person on the train was staring at these two - including someone's grandpa who was sitting in the only seat directly facing them. He occasionally attempted to divert his eyes, but mostly he just gazed with his mouth hanging open in disbelief.

This probably falls under the same category as breast feeding. I get it - its natural and one shouldn't have to be ashamed of such a blessed life stage. But let's be honest: lot's of things are natural - like sweating and hairy armpits - but the world is a better place when people deny their existence. And truthfully, there are a lot of unnatural things that improve the world and aren't completely disgusting - things like vaccinations, hair dye, sunglasses and Splenda. I'd certainly rather see someone free of polio, grey hair and retina damage carrying around a big ol' sack of Splenda than watch two 19-year-olds suck on each others faces like wet, newborn kittens attaching their mouths to Mama in search of sustenance.

What is it makes these two think any innocent T-rider wants to see this? I guess this whole eff-off-its-a-free-country-conforming-is-for-Republics shtick is admirable, but a healthy amount of anxiety over social retribution never killed anyone either. (In fact, it might have saved Gramps who inevitably had a heart attack after escaping at Park Street.)

So, to you romantics out their who, for better or worse, could careless about what other people think:

If you reserve the right to be completely disgusting while using public transit, I reserve the right to throw up on you. It is a free country. Rock on.